Soul ties · The science · The way out

You’re not crazy for still thinking about them. There’s a reason.

That pull you can’t explain has a name. The System of Sex shows you what intimacy really does to your body, mind, and soul — and how to finally break the tie.

Get the Book — $19.99 See what’s inside ↓

eBook $9.99 · also on Amazon & Barnes & Noble · all options

By Ludie Benel-Ponce, M.A. · Co-host of the Truth In Love Podcast

Book cover of The System of Sex: Spiritual Divorce and Why You Need One by Ludie Benel-Ponce
Be honest with yourself

Does this sound like you?

  • You don’t even want them back. So why can’t you stop thinking about them?
  • Your ex texts the exact week you meet someone new.
  • You picked up habits that were never yours. They were theirs.
  • They still show up in your dreams. Years later. Even now that you’re married.
  • You keep going back right after the worst fights.
  • You feel cheap afterward, and you can’t explain why.
  • You’ve prayed about this for years, and it still has a hold on you.

If you nodded at even one of these, you’re not weak. You’re tied.

It has a name

It’s called a soul tie.

Psychologists describe something similar with words like attachment and trauma bonding. The Bible calls it becoming “one flesh.”

Whatever you call it, here’s what nobody told me:

“A breakup is not sufficient to break the bonds.”

Not moving away. Not time. Not even a new relationship.

But a tie that was formed can be broken. That’s what this book is for.

Why this book is different

Most books give you one piece. This one gives you all four.

01

Scripture

What God actually says about becoming one flesh, and why He told us to run.

02

Research

What happens in your brain and body during intimacy, explained in plain words.

03

Testimony

My own story: the soul ties, the shame, and the freedom. Nothing polished.

04

Prayers that free

The Spiritual Divorce Prayer and more, written to be prayed out loud.

What’s inside

Finally, the why behind what you feel.

Part I Soul Ties

  • Discover why you can’t get someone out of your head, no matter how far you move.
  • Learn the real cost of intimacy outside of covenant: what you give away that you don’t get back.
  • Finally understand what the Bible means by “one flesh,” and why God designed sex as a system.

Part II The Science of Soul Ties

  • See how men bond too, and why “men don’t catch feelings” is a myth.
  • Meet oxytocin, often called the bonding hormone, and learn why it doesn’t check whether he’s your husband.
  • Understand why people keep going back to someone after the worst fights.

Part III My Testimony

  • Walk with me through my freedom from pornography, and the door I didn’t know was still open.
  • Learn how what you watch shapes your mind, and how God renews it.

Part IV & The Prayers

  • A gentle invitation to know Jesus, wherever you are in your faith.
  • The Spiritual Divorce Prayer, with sections for singles, married people, men, and women.
  • A Prayer for Freedom from Pornography and Masturbation.
  • The Final Exercise: name what you picked up from past relationships, and let it go.
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A look inside

In Ludie’s words

“Oxytocin does not ask if he is your husband.”

— Chapter 6

“Some of us have been praying for a spouse, not realizing that there is one already laying claim to us in the spirit.”

— Introduction

“Men are not made to conquer; they are made to cover.”

— Chapter 5
Ludie Benel-Ponce, author of The System of Sex, smiling and seated in a tan sweater and white jeans
Meet the author

Hi, I’m Ludie.

I grew up in the Haitian church. We were taught that sex was for marriage, but no one ever told us why.

After painful experiences in college, I made choices I thought would protect me. Instead, they tied me to people in ways I couldn’t explain. I even started picking up the habits of a man I didn’t like.

God was patient with me. He walked me out of soul ties and out of pornography. I spent five years single and celibate, healing. Today, Luis and I have been married for nine years.

I wrote this book because I wish someone had told me. I would have run for my life.

So I’m telling you. Not to expose you, but to free you. Not to shame you, but to remind you who you are.

Ludie Benel-Ponce, M.A.

Author · Teacher · Co-founder of Truth In Love · Co-host of the Truth In Love Podcast

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Who it’s for

This book was written with you in mind.

Single

You can’t shake a past relationship or situationship, and you’re tired of wondering why.

Married

Your past keeps showing up in your thoughts, your dreams, or your marriage.

Men

You were told this doesn’t affect you. It does, and there’s a chapter just for you.

Waiting on a spouse

You’re praying for the right one, and something feels like it’s standing in the way.

Fighting in silence

You’re battling pornography or masturbation, and no one knows.

Told “don’t”

You were always told don’t, but never why. This is your why.

Free for every reader

Ask Ludie: a live reader Q&A

Every month, I answer readers’ questions live on Zoom. Send yours anonymously, with no name and no email. Ask the thing you’ve never said out loud.

Wherever you got your copy, you’re invited.

Save My Seat
What readers are saying

Real words from real readers

★★★★★

A Perspective I Wish I Had Earlier in Life

“I don’t usually write reviews, but this book really made me stop and think. … I honestly wish I had read this back in my teenage years—it would’ve given me a completely different outlook early on. It’s even something I’d consider having my son read when the time comes to give him ‘the talk,’ because it goes beyond just the physical and touches on self-awareness and emotional responsibility. Definitely a unique and eye-opening read—I highly recommend it.”

carlos · Amazon, Verified Purchase
★★★★★

“I was at a point in my life where I knew I was going down. … There was this hold. I would be good for a few weeks and then back into the same cycle. I was watching the podcast and Ludie mention it and I went and brought the book. … I fasted for three days while reading the book. … I spent the whole day praying that prayer. Wrote the name of the men and broke that bond. … This was literally a life changer.”

Rachel · Review on withtruthinlove.com
★★★★★

Great read!

“I’ve heard of Soul Ties before reading this book but never fully grasp what exactly they were and their implications. Reading this book gave me clarity on how sacred sex is and why it should be saved until a unity under God has been made.”

Corey Mouton · Amazon
★★★★★

Educational

“This is good for my understanding, and can be so relatable. I find understanding healing. It’s really hidden treasures that you can grasp.”

Mackenzie · Amazon, Verified Purchase

“No question just want to say this book has helped me to so much. So grateful.”

A reader on Instagram
Questions

You might be wondering…

I’m married. Is this book for me?

Yes. Many married men and women still carry ties from before their marriage, in their thoughts, their dreams, or their intimacy. The book speaks to married readers directly, and the Spiritual Divorce Prayer has a section just for you.

Is it too late for me?

No. Whatever your past looks like, you are not too far gone. God is faithful, and your story isn’t over.

Is this book explicit?

It’s honest and direct about sex, pornography, and masturbation from a biblical perspective, and it’s written for adults. But it is not graphic.

Is this just another rulebook?

No. Most of us were told “don’t” and never told why. This book explains the why, through Scripture, research, and real testimony, and then shows you the way out. There’s no shame here.

I’m not sure where I am with God. Can I still read it?

Absolutely. Wherever you are in your faith, you’re welcome here. Part IV is a gentle invitation to know Jesus, with no pressure.

Is this for men too?

Yes. Culture says men don’t get attached. The book shows why that isn’t true, with a full chapter on how men bond.

Paperback or eBook?

The paperback is $19.99, printed and shipped to you. The eBook is $9.99 and delivered digitally after purchase, in PDF or EPUB, your choice.

Anything I should know before praying the Spiritual Divorce Prayer?

The prayer also addresses abuse and incest, because someone needs that freedom. If that’s part of your story, go at your own pace, and lean on a pastor or counselor you trust. This book is a spiritual resource, not a replacement for professional help.

Your story isn’t over

You don’t have to keep carrying what was never meant to stay.

The tie that formed can be broken. Freedom is closer than you think.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

Galatians 5:1 (NIV)

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The material in this book is provided for spiritual, educational and inspirational purposes only. The author does not offer medical, psychological, or legal advice. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or pastoral counseling.

Questions? info@withtruthinlove.com

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